Shadow of Doubt
by carocali
Summary: “The only way to save him is to come with me. Hasn’t he suffered enough through your mistakes? Paid for them with his heart…and soul?" Lucifer’s hand rose to touch Sam’s face. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHX


Happy birthday, Phx! I hope you had a great day!

Many, many thanks to Gemingrl11 and TraSan for their help with this mess!

-o-o-o-o

Rustling to his right told him that his brother was awake – and it was early. A quick glance at the clock next to the bed told him that the sun was barely up. Yet Dean was.

"What gives? You suddenly an early riser?" Sam asked, turning slightly in the bed and clearing the morning phlegm from his throat. A slight shaft of light penetrated the cheap curtains to give Sam a look at the figure before him.

Dean was already dressed in his usual jeans, black t-shirt and flannel, sans childhood trinket-turned-God-finder, putting something a bit off about the man. His spiked hair was still wet and the subtle smell of aftershave permeated the air. He was definitely ready to go.

"Nope, just couldn't sleep so I figured I'd get up. Already had my run and everything." He grabbed his leather jacket, throwing his arms through the sleeves, bouncing to get the fit just right. "I'm gonna get some coffee, maybe a doughnut. Want anything?"

Sam looked over at the clock. 5:19 a.m.

"A little more sleep. Give me an hour?" Sam snuggled back into the sheets, tossing his bare arm over his eyes.

"You got it, Sleeping Beauty." With that, Dean turned the knob and headed out the door.

Sam sighed and turned to the side, pulling the sheets higher on his torso. It felt good to be with Dean, even though they still had a lot to work out. Earning his trust back would be difficult and definitely an uphill battle but it was worth it. Sam knew he'd screwed up; it wasn't all his fault, but the choices he made – or was _nudged_ into – were still his. He started the apocalypse and he _would_ find a way to stop Lucifer.

Especially now that he was with Dean again. Fighting side by side with his brother.

"Is that what you think? That Dean is your Personal Jesus? He can kiss your boo-boos away like he did when you were six?"

There, by the door, stood Lucifer, an eerie glow now strewn about the room.

"I can tell you that's not how it is. He doesn't know what he wants." Lucifer shifted towards the bed, keeping a safe distance from Sam, his voice soothing and calm. "I guess that's not totally true. He wants _you_, Sam. His little brother. The one he can watch over and care for. The one that obeys him without question. Trusts _only_ him."

Lucifer moved his vessel like a swan on placid water as he sat himself at the desk chair.

"But we all know _that_ Sam Winchester is gone, isn't he." The smile was genuine and painful, riveted with guilt of decisions yet to be made. "The minute you chose to sneak around with Ruby, Dean Winchester's little brother died."

"I know your game. You're not really here. Why don't you get the hell out of here?" Sam voice defiant, having been here before, knowing that any cracks in the dam would be the weakness for Lucifer to squeeze in through, twisting words and using them as poison. He tossed the sheets from his torso in a gesture of anger, planting his feet on the stained carpeting.

"Sam, Sam. How I love this about you. It's why you've always been my favorite. Such bravado in the face of, well…me." Lucifer scrubbed a hand through Nick's scruffy beard, caring not for the appearance of his soon-to-be-vegetated vessel.

"It's not bravado, asshole, it's the truth. I'll never say yes to you!"

Lucifer glanced at Sam, true pity in his visage as his drooped eyes scanned the boy before him, looking him over like a piece of meat at market. Sam could have sworn he licked his lips at the prospect of his new body.

"I told you, Sam. I know you better than yourself. _And_ I know your brother." The sickeningly sweet timbre of his tone oozed out. Lucifer pulled at a pilled piece of string on his pants.

"You leave Dean out of this," Sam replied, faltering slightly at his Achilles heel. "Just don't."

"Don't you see? Dean _is_ what this is all about. He doesn't _want_ to be around you. Not _this_ Sam. Not anymore."

Sam shot up from the bed, cheeks puffed out in anger. "Get away from me. The answer is no. Get the fuck away!" Suddenly, Sam felt like a trapped animal; eyes wide in terror casing the room for an escape. His heartbeat seemed to triple at the vision before him. Helplessness seeping into his pores as he shouted desperately. "No! It'll always be no!"

"I'm sorry. I know this is painful but you know it's the truth." Lucifer shook his head, looking to the ground, a heavy sigh pushing from his lungs. "You just don't understand, do you, Sam? There is no choice here. You _will_ say yes." His head rose, pitying eyes resting on the shivering form of Sam, cocking it to the side. "Do you even know where Dean is, right now?"

That took Sam off guard, firming his stature. What did that even mean? _He's out getting coffee…_

"No, Sam," Lucifer interrupted, reading his thoughts. "He's meeting with that angel friend of his. Got a call from him last night, you see." An edge of his lip quirked up in an almost pathetic smile. "Clever. Those inscriptions have certainly made it _challenging_ to find you. Not impossible though…"

Sam swallowed heavily, unsure what to do say. Did Dean really dump him to run off with Cas? What were they doing?

"You see? Doubt? Loss of faith? They will only deepen, Sam. It's only fair, after all." Lucifer turned his back to look out the motel window, swishing back the oddly-patterned curtains. "This is what you did to him, isn't it? Sneaking around, playing savior? It's how he wants _you_ to feel. Alone."

"No…"

"All those nights you left him, doing what you thought was right? If only you'd trusted him instead of trying to prove that you were an equal partner, maybe even better than him. None of this would have happened." Lucifer crossed his arms and leaned against the door. "But you always make the wrong choices, don't you? And people get hurt. Your mother, Jessica…what a shame that was. John. If you'd _only_ followed orders when he told you to shoot him back at the cabin. I wonder where we'd be right now."

"Shut up! It's not true. I thought I was doing the right thing. The choices I made…they were to stop this. I was saving people. I never meant to hurt anyone. I was…"

"Shhhh. I know. You meant to do what was right. And in the long run, you did. You did what you were _meant_ to do. What you were _born_ to do." The vessel made slow, deliberate movements in Sam's direction, pulling himself from the wall. "I told you, it always had to be you. Why can't you just accept that it's your fate? Dean is not your family. _John_ was not your family."

"Don't talk about them like that. They _are_ my family. _You_ are nothing! You will always be nothing to me." Sam backed away from the approaching man, frantically looking around the room for anything to stave him off.

"The only way to save him is to come with me. Hasn't he suffered enough through your mistakes? Paid for them with his heart…and soul? Doesn't he deserve peace?" Lucifer's hand rose to touch Sam's face. "I _promise_ you, no harm will come to him. I owe you that much. We'll make a deal, here and now. You just have to say yes and this will all be over."

Sam jerked away from the evil before him, plastering himself against the wall. His mind was racing, finding logical explanations for Dean's disappearance so early in the morning. Trying to justify that he belonged with his father and Dean all these years, even if he was different. Was this the helplessness that Dean felt when he didn't know where Sam was?

"No! No! Get out!" Sam charged at Lucifer, knocking the man back into the wall with a thud. Pain sprouted from his left shoulder at the impact, bringing a new sense of reality to him. "I'll never say yes to you!"

"Sam. Sam! Stop. Look at me. You have to stop!"

That didn't sound like Lucifer.

Sam continued to struggle but then a different sort of awareness made itself known: the gentle touch of a warm, calloused hand at the back of his neck.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Flipper, I'm here. Wanna tell me what that was all about?"

Sam blinked away the sleep in his eyes, pulling his head up from between the side table and the bed. The pain in his shoulder had come from his unplanned collision with the furniture in his fit to get away from Lucifer. As he raised his head, he saw a pajama-clad Dean, hair all over the place, hovering with a look of concern firmly planted on his face.

"Lucifer." The name was quiet yet still held disdain.

"Lucifer? What about him?" Dean was adjusting sheets and grabbing Sam's arm to help get him upright.

Sweat sluiced down Sam's face as the last of the nightmare skittered away into the darkness. He could still feel his heart beating a mile a minute at the dreamscape onslaught.

"He's trying to get me to say yes."

He could see how well that sat with Dean as he deposited himself next to Sam on the bed. A slight shiver went up Sam's spine as the last vestiges of the evil left the room.

"And how, exactly, is he trying to do that?" The panic was controlled but Sam knew it well. Dean was scared; scared for Sam.

Sam hung his head, digging the heels of his hands into his sockets. "I just… I won't say yes, Dean. I promise." He kept his face in the palms of his hands.

"That's not what I asked, Sammy," Dean responded bumping his shoulder with his own. "What did he say?"

The silence was amiable. Sam knew Dean would wait all day for the answer, but he was having a hard time explaining it. Admitting all the failures in his lifetime out loud was completely different than beating himself up on a daily basis with them.

Sam raised his head, not looking in Dean's direction. "He…_pointed out_ how people always die around me. How the decisions I've made have hurt people."

Dean sat, waiting for the right time to interject. Sam knew he wanted it all and Sam had promised the truth from now on. And Dean deserved that.

"He told me that you're not my family. That you'd be better off without me." Sam ran a hand through his hair with a sigh, locking eyes with Dean for the first time.

"Sammy…" Dean cajoled; the Big Brother knowing there was more to this story.

"He said that you were off sneaking around with Cas because you didn't trust me. That it was your way of making me feel how _you_ felt when I was off with Ruby."

Sam saw the look on Dean's face at that, registering some of the truth in the Devil's statement. He felt his stomach drop to the floor as little pieces of the barricade against Lucifer were being pinged away. The guy was good, Sam would give him that.

"Listen. There's no secret that I was pissed about Ruby. I'm still pissed about it. But we're trying to work on this, together. I need some time. You have to give me time."

Sam turned to face Dean, exhaustion clear on his face from his internal battle. "I know that. I never expected a magic wand to make everything right. I deserve the hatred you feel towards me. But when the lies come from him…it's so…honest. Pitying. He knows the right way to say something…"

"I don't _hate_ you, Sam," Dean assured, a warm smile enveloping his face. "I never could. Even when…" the pause was painful this time around and Sam worried at the next words, Lucifer taunting still in the shadows. "I know you thought you were doing the right thing, killing Lilith. And I know you're sorry."

"But I betrayed your trust. He said…"

"Hey! What happened between _us_ is between _us_. It's no one else's business, okay? No piece of shit evil sonofabitch is going to tell you how _I_ feel. We'll work this out. Together."

The older hunter rose, sliding a palm down his face, casing the room for any residual signs of Lucifer.

"Thanks, Dean." Sam's voice was lost and young.

"I'm here, okay. If he can only get to you in your dreams, we're golden. 'Cuz I know you're strong and you can fight. This is not going to take you down. The Winchester boys are no casings for dick angels."

Sam snickered at the comments, rising from the bed only to see the clock he'd knocked to the floor during his inner demon showdown with Lucifer. He yanked the clock up, placing it back on the table.

5:19 a.m.

Dean was throwing on his jeans and pulling on a shirt. He stopped to look at Sam. "I'm gonna get some coffee, maybe a doughnut. Want anything?"

Sam shivered at the words he'd heard earlier in what he now realized was his dream. But now he could feel the difference. This was the first time Lucifer approached Sam while he was with Dean. The next time he came, and he _would_ continue to come, Sam would have the strength to continue to parry the blows Lucifer dealt. With everything on the table, the air was clear and Sam felt the pillar of strength from his brother.

"Yeah. That sounds good."

Dean grabbed the keys and yanked open the door. He paused to look back at Sam. "You okay?"

Sam nodded. "I am now."

THE END

-o-o-o-

I can't wait for this to happen on the show, and I'm hoping that they give it the credence it needs.

Okay, NO MORE BIRTHDAYS! You guys are stressing me out with power writing! This is NOT my thing! But I hope you enjoyed anyway!

:D

Caroline


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